Dear Daughter,

Well, what can I say to you that could possibly help you to feel any better right now? You’ve been an outstanding student for thirteen years, and now, on the cusp of wrapping up your school career before heading off to college, everything was ripped away from you and replaced with new, unknown, frustrating experiences.

You will have no prom. You will have no graduation. You will have no Senior Pay-Back-Day. You will have no spring musical. You will have no awards ceremonies. You will have no more environmental club–the club that you worked so hard to start! You will have no spring sports. But more than all of that, you will have no more laughter with your friends at lunch. No more cramming for quizzes with classmates. No more trips to Circle K after school for a slushie. No closure. Just …. Nothing. 

I have to be honest–it’s hard for me to really know what that must feel like for you. I know you, dear daughter, and I know that you will try to reason your way through this situation. You’ll tell yourself that other kids have it worse–at least you have food to eat in two cozy places with parents who are each still able to work. You’ll tell yourself that it’s only high school, after all, and in the grand scheme of things, it’s really not that big of a deal. You’ll tell yourself that college is more important, anyway, and that’s still ahead. But you know what? You can be grateful and still be sad. You can have perspective and still be angry. You can focus on long-term goals and still be lost.

There isn’t a whole lot of good to see in this situation right now. In any of it. This is certainly hard for all of us to navigate, but I just feel so deeply sorry right now that you got cheated out of the last days of your senior year. I remember how excited you were when we found your prom dress. I remember brain-storming with you how we’d fix your hair, what kind of jewelry you’d wear, and how you’d do your makeup. That’s a big loss. It’s okay to allow yourself to be sad and angry and overwhelmed and confused–not only is it allowed, it’s expected! 

What I can tell you, dear daughter, is this: while this may not ever suck less–even the memories of it–you will move through it and eventually past it. It will always be wildly unfair that this happened to you. It will. But someday you’ll be able to remember this time and your heart won’t break into pieces. More importantly, what this is going to teach you and show you is what you’re made of. You will hit challenges in the future–challenges that, at one time, might have derailed you. But not now. Now, you’ve been through soul-crushing times and you’ve survived them. You will still experience pain and heartache in the future, sure, but you will know that you have weathered scary, difficult, unbelievable times in the past and surely you can handle any rainstorm that now comes your way.

I’ll tell you a secret, dear daughter: even without covid-19 and quarantine, you’d still be able to handle any rainstorm that came your way–but now you know that, too. Now it’s not just your mom whispering nice platitudes of “you can do it!” in your ear; now you will know that you can do it because you have already done it. And while that is a harsh and terribly painful lesson to learn, it is priceless. To know that you have not only survived but have survived and continued to keep moving forward is a lesson that some of us don’t learn until much, much later in life. I hate that you have to experience this, but I also know that there is a beautiful rainbow that can be created from this storm, too. 

I don’t expect you to really care about that right now. Right now, your job is to slog through the rest of online school while your heart is broken. You can be angry and sad and pissed and confused and overwhelmed and lonely and then angry again. Feel all the feels. And I know they’re terrible feelings so remember that I’m here to snuggle you or to watch Parks & Rec with you or to do some Yoga with Adrienne with you. Whatever you need. Give yourself permission to grieve this loss because it is most certainly a loss. 

I am unbelievably proud of you, dear daughter. I’ve always been impressed with your logical and thoughtful approach to life. I’ve always known that you will be successful in *whatever* you choose to do. I hope that now you’re starting to know that a little more, too. You’ve told me in the past that I’ve inspired you as I went back to school after the divorce. Now, you inspire me. You are dealing with heartache and profound disappointment and you continue on. You will get through this, slowly, day by day and sometimes hour by hour and minute by minute. Remember that we are here for you always and through all things. But most especially remember: I love you most.

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”―Haruki Murakami