So here I sit, in my new condo, drinking Belvedere (that’s vodka!) on the rocks with bleu cheese olives. IN MY NEW CONDO. Can you believe that?! I bought a HOME for me and my girls ALL BY MYSELF.
Okay, this might not be stunning news to you, but this is a BIG. FREAKING. DEAL.
I’ve been divorced since 2009. Before that, I was a stay-at-home mom. I LOVED being a stay-at-home mom. I know not everyone does. I know not everyone is cut out for that sort of life. But I adored being home with my girls. I loved being a room mom and being home when they got off the bus. I loved doing laundry (still do!) and decorating for every flipping holiday that came along. You know what else I loved? Not being responsible for the bills. Not worrying about how we’d afford school clothes. Not thinking about car maintenance or the yard or taking out the garbage.
Yep. I was one of those women. I took the things my ex did for granted. Mostly. I DID always appreciate that he was the bread-winner. I knew enough about myself even then to know that being the sole provider would be pressure that I wouldn’t handle well. Too much responsibility. Too much weight on my shoulders. Too much pressure for Jenny Lou to handle.
Or so I thought.
Don’t get me wrong. It IS a lot of pressure for me. I’m not one of those “steady as a rock” people that you’ve met. Not by a long shot. I’m emotional and excitable and passionate and, at times, volatile. This head-of-household business is way out of my wheelhouse. Way out.
And yet here I am.
I’m a psych nurse, you know. I like to think of myself as a cheerleader of sorts. Mental illness is a vicious, unyielding beast. It makes people think they have no power, no choice, no hope. A very large part of what I do is try (and oh, do I try!) to empower people. To help them to know that they CAN do it. No, life isn’t easy. Yes, shitty feelings come more frequently than we’d like. But within each of us lies the power for change. And, as is so often the case, it’s always been a heck of a lot easier for me to talk the talk than walk the walk. I know I believe deeply in my patients; I never had that same deep belief in myself. I could pay lip service to that thought when I was married. I could SAY, “Oh, sure, I like myself just fine.” But that’s not the same as believing all the way down to your toes that ANYTHING is possible.
The divorce helped with that some. Being divorced, working as a server at a nice restaurant/bar, and going to nursing school while raising two young girls was not easy. Getting through that definitely gave me a bump in the self-confidence department. I’m still kind of amazed that *I* did that …. This condo is kind of the cherry on top of the self-confidence cake. Or bleu cheese olive in my martini, if you will.

And, folks, I think I will. Here’s to home ownership (and remind me of this moment when the upstairs tub starts leaking through the ceiling). Cheers!